[Beau-ti-Fool]

2010-05-13T21:17:00.018+08:00

*aaaachhhhhooooooooo*

Too much dust,abandoned for quite sometime already.
Time for updates,not that much...a little will do eh!

March was the last.
Many things happened for the past 2 months.
I have been busy with life.
I have been happy with life & people around me too.
Felt blessed.

Hectic training for shows.(pictures in FB)
Alotta plans made.

&&& I am happy,for now!

(Bumming around Town)

(Sunday @ Yaz's Crib)
(Widyasari's Anniversary)
(Pesta Budaya show)
(Sentosa)
(Ufi's lil hair cut)
(Sun-Date with the Cousins)
(Wedding Show @ Mercure Roxy Hotel)
(Team Bravo's Chalet)
(Show @ Japanese Garden)
(K-Nite with Them)
(Extended Family Chalet)
(Dee's Wedding)
(K-Nite cum Hyda's Advance B'dae Celebration)
It has been 2 months since Arwah's passing.
And just 2 nights ago,I dreamt of him.
In that dream,all of us cousins went to Town,and there was this convo between me & him...

Him:Kite nak pegi mane?
Me:Kite go walk-walk je...
Him:Oh...ingatkan u nak teman i kat Pusara Aman/Pusara Abadi...

& after that last convo,aku pon tersentak bangon from my sleep.
I really don't know what that dream is all about and what it's supposed to mean.
Maybe,it's a sign that I should visit him soon!
I am missing him that till now,I terbawak-bawak of that mimpi.

Al-fateha...

Till then.

2010-03-06T12:21:00.006+08:00

It was your tahlil yesterday,and 1 week since you left us.
I was there,with the rest of our cousins,just for you.
I am still not over it fully.
I cried again yesterday,when BuKin hugged me and when me & Nab had a convo in your room.
The text message that you sent me half an hour before you left,insya'allah,I will keep it for the rest of my life as it reminds me how & what happened,& it is just so meaningful to me although to others it may just be a normal text message.
Myself & family is just so thankful that we get to spend time with you 2 days before you left.
It will take sometime for us to really let go of the pain as your presence in everyone's life have been meaningful in many ways.
Your loss was a deep impact to us all.
&&& I can never stop crying whenever I see this videoclip of yours.It just made me wanna hug you so tigh,kiss you on your forehead and tells you how much I am missing you.

For now,you rest in peace dear love...
Insya'allah,I will visit you.
I LOVE YOU & I AM MISSING YOU SO MUCH!

2010-03-01T21:37:00.003+08:00

In Loving Memory of my dear cousin,
Muhammad Salleh Bin Abd Aziz
08/04/1987 - 27/02/2010

It's a double blow for us this year,just like how it happened 12 years ago.
2 pemergian in a month and both related.
12 years ago...one of our uncle left the world of a heart attack and a week later,his own anak sedare left,in a plane crash.
Now...just last Friday,our nenek sedare left,of an illness,a week later on Sat morning,her cucu sedare left in an accident.

I'm still in a state of shocked.
It was just 2 days before he passed on,he came over to my place wanting to see his 2 nephews.He ate,he sat,he played chess with my bro,he borrowed my helmet,and that night when he came to return me back the helmet,that was the last time I saw him.
On Sat morning,he texted me at 0730 am that he'll be going to another cousin's house for our nenek sedare's 7 hari tahlil alone,but I think 1/2 or 1 hr later,I got the shocked of my life for the first time when mom woke me up saying that he met with and accident and passed away on the spot.
I broke down so bad.
Saturday night,we were supposed to have fun with the rest of the cousins,but it turned out the other way.
It was unbelievable.I did whatever I could.I double checked my phone to see the date and time of the message that he sent me & I even tried calling him,but to no avail.
I showered and rushed down to the accident scene.
What I saw...was very unexpected.
My heartbeat went really fast.
The impact of everything...
As I trembled,I still stayed till he was brought back to the hospital for the post mortem.
I couldn't sleep.Whenever I close my eyes,he'll appear.

I was so much waiting for him anxiously with the rest of the cousins,at his place but he left the hospital only at 4pm.
It was a little rushing as we we chasing for time before maghrib for his burial.
And there was this part when all the women was asked to leave the house for a while as the men did the prayers at home.
So,I went down to the void deck since dorang nak sembahyang asar and when I returned back in less than 10 minutes,wanting to see him so bad,nak taborkan pacai,what I was told by my mom was..."dah,dah abis dah..mayat dah nak turon pegi kubur"
Imagined how I felt?
I regretted...I regretted I went down to the void deck.
I cried so bad when they put him dalam tempat mayat,getting ready to leave.

All of us followed him to his new home where we know he's in good hands.
I recite some prayers from far,only when his lot was spacious,I went near to have a last look.
I couldn't bear to leave him...
When everybody was leaving,I went down to his lot again,recite another prayer and then I really left.
Even after everything is done,my mind was and is still in a daze up till today.
I still cry whenever I think of it.
He was the one who'll always asked us cousins if wwe are going to any of the family occasions if there is.
He have always wanted us cousins to have that strong bond,close relationship.
It was just recently when the boys started blending themselves in among each other,but sadly,it was a short one for him...

"Cuz...I still can't believe you've left all of us.As much as I want you back,I know it's way very impossible.I know I should redha with your loss.It'll definitely takes time for me to really,really accept the truth.You are now at your new home,in good hands.Your loss is a real calling for the remaining us to repent and appreciate each other selagi hayat masih ade.How much you wanted all of us,the 3rd generation cousins to have close bond,strong relationship,insya'allah...we will,for you Love.Cuz...how I wish I could hug you tight telling you how much I love and badly missing you..."

Al-Fateha.

2010-01-24T21:48:00.004+08:00

I just got home from the dance training for the Alumni Performance coming in March.
Schedules are gonna be very tight till that very day,trainings are gonna be in long hours and my Saturday is not gonna be spared either.

It was my first day today,and I am the only one from the pioneer batch.The rest are those who just graduated like years after I did.I was nervous when I stepped in the room as there were 4 male dancers.I've never performed with any male dancers in a group before,so this will be a good experience for me.Good to know that we are able to perform for the school.Today's training was very tiring.My muscle cramps are back just like it was when I first started with Widyasari.Tempo...too fast for me to catch up although I did remember some of the steps given.Takes time,I know.Hopefully I 'm able to catch up with everything for the performance in March.

Life...been pretty good for me.Having friends who atleast made my day.
Those lepak sessions and all.
I am thankful for all that...
Atleast all this made me smile,laugh and whatever.
Just that I don't wanna think that much,especially when it comes to my relationship.
I just hope for the best,definitely in everything.

Ok,am gonna here.
Not really in the mood to blog that long,long post.

Till then.

2010-01-02T00:14:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah...that 2009 has past.
And it's already 2010.
I'm gonna dump 2009 far,far away as it has been a painful journey for me.
I'm hoping that 2010 will be a good one.
This year is gonna be my last year as a Single Lady,insya'llah.
I've gotta start with the wedding preparations,now that I'm only left with 11 mths.
I am also hoping he'll change for the better,insya'allah...amin.

Hope you guys had a good start for 2010.

Happy New Year!

Till then.

2009-12-21T21:53:00.005+08:00

Now..I just have the urge to pen some thoughts or maybe what's happening over the weekends.
Indeed,I have things...bothering my mind a little,just that I don't know how to bring it up.

My weekends was well-spent.
Family bondings.
Bbq-ing at my crib and everybody was there.

It has been so long since we last gathered for this event at my place.
It was funnn...I just love it when it comes to family events,and twister was the craze!!!
Ended the day almost to midnight.

Come Sunday,initial plan was to go Hortpark,but since there was some hiccups and my neverending migraines,I ditched the idea to go there.
Left the house only at 0430 pm and train-ed to Town to meet the other 2 of my cousins.
It was only lunch at Far East then to Esplanade for a little camwhore before we made our last pit stop in Tampines.

I shall have to plan more outings for us cousins!

Let's talk a little on my personal life.

December is ending soon.
And after that,I'm left with say...11 months before the big day.
Marriage is not a small thing.
It's a very major commitment in life.
After what happened,I still have doubts settling down although I know how big the shit he did was,he will still be the one who is able to look after me till God knows when...
He'll still be the one who is able to tolerate my super fucked up temper,
He'll still be the one who is able to give me what I want,
and the list goes on...
I still see all that in him.
But what I'm afraid is that...what if history repeats,even after we are married?
That is what fears me the most.
Coz as I know...leopard never change its spots.

And just recently...I have been enjoying life with the people around me.
Since the incident,I thought to myself that maybe,I should start being a little independent.
I've started going out with friends,cousins and whatever plans there is...just to avoid myself from thinking too much.
I'll just follow the flow,to where it leads me to...
I'm tired of doing the thinkings...I'm tired of the cries,just to make myself feel better.

I just hope 2010,will be a better year for me.
2009,I shall throw far,far away...but the deep scars,shall stay put with me wherever I go,till whenever...
I...just wanna be happy!

Till then.

2009-12-13T01:28:00.010+08:00

Now...now...it has been quite some time since the last I pen down my thoughts.
And...I've forgotten most of the things that happened.
Life...has been good,alhamdulillah...
Lovelife...still on the right track although I am still on my 'tak kuase' mode eversince what happened.

Let's just make do with what I can remember.

Firstly,congrats to Yanie & Saiful on the arrival of their baby boy,Shakil Ejaz.He's was born right on the Hari Raya Aidiladha itself.Me and Ewan visited them on Shakil's 2nd day.

Right after visiting Shakil,we went on a 'date'.It has been so long since we went out together,to town,just the 2 of us.

And then...I had my long awaited planned holiday.
Balik-ed kampong for 4D3N.
Since I've been there last year,the surroundings of the living things around me didn't really bother me that much.I had my fun,although this time,there was no pit stop and it was totally kampong life.

Am definitely going back there next year before our big day,insya'allah...

Today,one of my Widya babies,got engaged.

Congrats Yaya!

To sum up today's event,town again with these babes.

Sebenarnye...aku ni malas nak type panjang-panjang.So all up above,I've summarised.
Sekarang,I gotta hit the sack as...it's gonna be shopping time tomorrow.
I...sooooo can't wait!!!

More pictures in FB and Multiply.

Nite.

Till then.

2009-11-10T10:39:00.002+08:00

Again...we had another round of discussion with the family members last minute in regards to the wedding.
As confirmed,we are deferring to a later part of next year.
Nasib baik mak andam and DJ is available on the deferred date that we wanted.
I'm left to ask the caterer.
Ewan's caterer and pelamin are all settled,already changed the dates.

Now,we have more time to prepare everything since we have yet to start.
No need to rush for June 2010 already.
Phewww!!!
My plans is to have everything done before raya 2010 so atleast after raya,we both can shake leg and just wait for the day.
haha!
But it's always that whenever we plan to start doing things or prepare slowly,mesti ader je hal-hal yang tertentu!
I don't care...now,die-die must do!
Next month,insya'allah we'll start.
Pressure betol part kahwin-kahwin ni eh!

Till then.

2009-11-05T21:53:00.002+08:00

2 weeks ago,I have the thought to defer the wedding.
In a sudden,I just felt that I lost the confidence,trust,faith and everything.
I even lied to him that the reason I wanted to defer was about financial.
Which is also a little true lah...but more of the 2nd line,if you get what I meant.
The feeling of insecure,the feeling of not wanting to get married,the feeling of wantingg to back out at the very last minute...comes angd go.
Playing with my feelings and my imagination will just imagine for the worst.

After considering and much thinkings,we will still go ahead with the plan as I'm afraid that if I were to defer,caterers and mak andams won't be available at the very last minute.
So in December,hopefully we both will be able to do the cards,berkats and marriage course.
Insya'allah...I'm really hoping and praying when the day comes,things are all settled.
Getting married...is really a tough thing!

Next,I'm really counting my days to December as we'll be going back kampong.
Twice in a year!
Kampong pon kampong lah eh since the purpose is to meet his dad and talk about the wedding.
Atleast,being away,de-stress the mind a little.

Sister will be leaving for Australia for her school trip this Sunday and will be back 7 or 8 days later.
I am definitely gonna miss her!
Enjoy your trip okay!
Untung betol budak-budak sekarang eh!
They get to travel here and there!
Kalau kite time dulu-dulu,camping pon setakat kat sekolah je!
If I could turn back time,I wanna be 15 to 18 years old again...

Ahhh...sesungguhnyer,aku dah tua!
Ok,enough for now.
Gotta go and get ready.

Till then.

2009-10-25T20:30:00.008+08:00

18th October 2009

That was my 1st show after 10 years.
All was good.
No nervousness,no stage fright although there was a little salah with the steps.
I had fun on stage definitely!
Next show,8th Nov 2009.
Who is performing is still not sure.
The rest of the flicks are in FB.

Up next is the Bravo's big feast at Seoul Garden as one of their team members is leaving.So it's kinda a farewell thing.

We ate like there's no tomorrow.
Almost all of the team members were there I think.
After makan,head down to Geylang for dessert pulak.
We had Durians!
Syiokkk!!!
Didn't stay for long although the night was still young and also I was working the next day.

When the lazyness struck and the mood to update came by,my mind has to go just blank!

Whatever it is,I had my own time with Ewan,sleeping over and all.
And...I've also got the keys to his house from his mom.
Yessssssaaaaa!!!!
Now you can't run away from me boy...!
*evil laughs*

Till then.

2009-10-18T01:16:00.003+08:00

So many things happening lately.
But what's important was...mom's doing good now and insya'allah,in times to come too!

Raya's over.
My last raya this year was with APD Bravo.

9 houses in total and we ended earlier than last year.
All in all,although I was not looking forward to this year's raya,coz mum was sick and that both me and Ewan was on budget for our preparation.I still had fun.

I've started on a new job in Chinatown,doing car insurance.
Back to my old line which I'm much more familiar with.
Pay wise,a little better...
Environment,nothing much as there's only 6 of us including my boss and his wife.
Now that they are shifting office in a condominium,I can't wait as we will have the privilege to use the pools and gym.
Lunch will not be a hassle too as we can cook in the kitchen.
But that will only be in May 2010.

Love...
So far,alhamdulillah...although at times I still feel insecure.
Ewan's trying his best to make things better and change.
But still,I'm not gonna put high hopes any more like I used too.
Once bitten,twice shy...
Anyway,it's rather too early to judge on the changes.
Only time will really,really tell.

Lots of things coming up despite the little time.
I don't know if we can manage.
But insya'allah...sampai harinye,hopefully things are all ready,including the 2 of us.

Gotta stop here now.
Have to get good rest since I've got a show later with the Widyasari babies.
And that will be my 1st show after...10 long years.
Good Luck!

Till then.

2009-10-05T22:44:00.003+08:00

EVP-ians Beraya lagikkk 09!!!
It was again another once a year gather besides the usual gatherings we had.
They rented the bus...while me in the car as Ewan was driving.
Although not the full squad of us EVP-ians,we still had fun though.

All in all,they visited 14 houses which ended at 2am I think.Again,I didn't managed to complete till the last house as Ewan was tired from his game before he joined me and the rest.
Now that we have completed our 2009 EVP-ians Raya,I bet they there will be more upcoming events.
Like...we are planning on either chalet or another barbeque in December,the girls plan to Bintan and lots more!

Nothing else to update besides this.
As usual,peek-tures in FB.
Tomorrow will be my last Raya for 2009 I think with Team Bravo.
And the next day will be my first day working in a new environment.

Till then.

2009-09-26T06:36:00.004+08:00

I know this is very,very late....but heck,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI,
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

My raya was just okay.

Just that this year,a little special since we have the 'Anak Hantu' with us on our 1st and 2nd day.
Ewan,1st day raya je dah accident.Lucky thing he was okay...only the bumper of our car was damaged and the other party's car was a little dented.

Managed to visit my dad,unlike last year...

Looking at how age-ing he is,I realised that maybe it's about time I start visiting him often.Didn't managed to tag along with Dad doing visitings on his side as us trio,me,bro and Ewan had some other places to go with mom.
We didn't even managed to complete all house in just 1 day!

2nd Day...
Both me and Ewan had to divide our time.
1st half of the day with me and my family doing visitings,
the other half of the day with Ewan and his family doing their visitings.
It was chaotic for me.
I was cranky...which is nothing new.
Things got screwed up on Ewan's side...testing my patience plus I was having headache.
Macam mane agaknyer when we are married later...mesti ade difficulties dividing time to do visitings!
I didn't even have the mood to flick here and there.
But whatever it is,I had a good time.

Let's sidetrack a little...
Mom has been 'sick' since the fasting month...and that was the reason why I said my raya was just okay.Relatives have been telling me that she looked different,which I realised too...
But in this case,I don't know what can be done...besides berubat which doesn't even work.
Last night,she fainted at home after she drank the air zam-zam.And she even complaint that she felt 'different'.
I was sitting beside her and I had goosebumps lah okay.
Aku ni lemah semangat...but I have to be strong for her since I'm the eldest.
Now,all I hoped for is for her to get back to her normal self the soonest...
Insya'allah,amin...

Suddenly,I feel that 2009 has been a bad one for me.
But after my incident,after what happened to me and my relationship...the bonds between me,parents and siblings got even closer.
Ewan and my siblings...they are closer now too!
People always say...'segala ape yang terjadi,ade hikmah disebaliknye'...
And I always said to myself too that maybe all this will be a blessing in disguise.
Insya'allah...things will be better in times to come.

I gotta get to sleep now since it's already 7am!
Got visitings to do later.

Till then.

2009-09-15T23:31:00.004+08:00

I had a good weekend last week.
Together with family,Ewan and Team Bravo.

Saturday,as planned weeks ago was iftar with the whole family at my uncle's place in JB.Ewan tagged along as he was supposed to be the one driving.But since Dad was not working,he drove instead.
We went by 2nd-link,stopped at Angsana to get kuihs and then to Uncle's place.
After iftar,we went Pandan City.
That place...dah macam Petaling Street lah okayyy!!!Only that I think Petaling Street is wayyyy better!
The drivers got lost while looking for us as we got off from the cars first while they lookout out for carpark.
It was super,super stuffy that I mandi sweat!And mom too pitam-pitam.
Left Pandan City,head home,got change and back to Ewan's place.

Since it was his birthday on the 13th Sept,I sleptover his place.
And as we were still in the car on the way back when the clock struck midnight,I had no choice but to wish him in the car itself,together with Mom,Dad and sister.
Birthday pon falls on a fasting day,there was nothing much we could do.Except that plan has been made.
Iftar with the Team Bravo at Kampon Chai Chee and then Geylang after.
Believe it or not...this year,I only went Geylang just that once!
I don't really have anything to buy as Mom have already sewed 3 baju's for me and sister.
Got him his kurungs and then left for home.

And yesterday,was iftar and K-Nite with the EVP-ians.
After months of not having fun,we met for iftar and discussed in regards to jalan raya.
Parted ways with them at 12am since something cropped up at home.

Now...now...
3 more days to raya...
damn fast or what???
Good thing I don't have much preparation to be done this year for myself.
Friday will be on half day...
Need to put up the curtains,mop the house and all.
Excited ader...not looking forward to raya pon ade!

Dahlah...
Got to go.
More pictures in FB or Multiply lah eh.

Till then.

2009-09-10T12:20:00.002+08:00

Day 2.
And I still feel the pain.
There's still whispers telling me to pack my bags,leave him and move on with life.
And that he's not worth my time and all of my effort.
But I am trying to stay strong to forgive,to still stay in this relationship,guide him to change and be a better man for his ownself,for me and for our future.

I can never forget this pain caused till my last breathe even.
Last night,he came and apologized to my mom for what he did to me.

Last 2 night,he even sweared infront of his mom to changed and not do it again.

After all this,I so much hope he means it this time.

This will really,really take a long time for me to forget no matter how much I've tried not to think of what he did.

"Ewan,I'm still trying to kuatkan my semangat and tabahkan diri,to go through this phase,just because i still love you...
Bersyukurlah dengan ape yang ade...
&
Menyesal sekarang,sebelom terlambat sayang..."

2009-09-09T14:13:00.002+08:00

What happened yesterday,was a really BIG,BIG BLOW to me.

I felt so blardy like fuck and I've never felt this bad before in my life.

I cried...for the whole bloody night,couldn't even sleep trying to overcome those shits.

I don't even understand to why I can even bring myself to forgive,and still stayed.

The scar is really,really a deep cut...

I don't think I will ever forget what happened.

I'm still lost.

I'm still in a daze.

I'm still traumatized.

I have always hope for the best in us...but he destroyed it.

What wrong have I done that I deserved this?

It's very,very painful...

I'm still crying...up till today...thinking and thinking.

I'm still hoping for the best after this.

Insya'allah...

If only you knew how I tried to be strong just for the sake of us...

2009-09-08T14:06:00.002+08:00

Yet another problem arises.
One after another.
I've already know something is wrong when my Brother texted me.
And I was shaken,trembling and my heartbeat went too fast.
I just can't believe it.
I don't know who to believe.
But if really this is true...I'm sorry but I have to really pack my bags,leave and forget about getting married.
It's not worth staying...
For now,I shall just wait for the updates from my brother.

*i am praying hard that he's innocent and that it's all in the past*

Till then.

2009-09-06T22:29:00.002+08:00

Now...now...

Say 'Hi' to the 'new addition' in the family.

And his name is Gemok,just 3 months old.

Mom,pandai-pandai adopted him,without us knowing.Just for the sake of the 2 small boys,Amir and Aufa.

Gemok just shift to my place today and he has yet to adapt to the new environment.

Don't even wanna go out from his cage.

Tsk!

I have yet to hold Gemok in my arms which I don't even know if I can even do that.
Coz aku ni penakot and penggeli dengan binatang!

Especially the perot part and the furs!

haha!

I've told mom,if she were to let Gemok out from his cage,better do it when I'M NOT HOME.

Or else,I'll run around the house.

Haha!

I hope I can get use to it sooner or later.

Till then.

2009-09-06T17:24:00.002+08:00

I was very,very upset yesterday with him.

I cried and cried the whole day till my eyes got swollen.Keluar pegi buke pon dengan mate bengkak jugak!

I can't help it as I was too disappointed in him.

Whatsmore bile orang tu dah pandai tipu,no matter how small that lie was,or how not important that lie was.

But to me,lying is still lying!

From small minor lies tu lah can go to big major lies.

I really don't know what the hell is happening to him.

Makin lame,makin terok pulak perangai.

Kalau macam ni,I wanna get married pon I have to think twice when he himself don't know what is wrong with him.

Ape ni???

Berkali-kali I've said...ikotkan hati,I wanna walk out of this relationship.

Yes,I know...this are parts and parcels in a relationship.But there are things that can be change.

I'm just sick and tired of everything!

Aku penat...penat having to keep telling him to change and this and that.

Urghhhh...just when will this end?

On another note,mom has been complaining she feels numb on her left side of her face since few days ago.

I'm worried.

She's worried too that it can be angin ahmar.

She'll be goin to the doctor to check tomorrow.

I am really hoping so much that it's nothing.

Now I shall get my ass to the bathroom and shower,and then get ready for breakfast although aku nie tak puase!

Till then.

2009-09-03T14:36:00.002+08:00

Today,marks the 12th month we are together since we patched things up.
12 months of 'i love you',
12 months of 'i hate you'
12 months of on and off anger,
12 months of roller coaster rides,
12 months of having me,always losing my temper,
12 months of me,always wanting to end our relationship,
&
12 months of more of the goods and bads in our relationship.

But I'm thankful,despite all of the above,we are still together.
To some,12 months is just a short period of time.
But to us,being in love since the end of 2006,got engaged 7 months later,broke up 3 months after we got engaged and then patched things up last year,is really tough for us to go through.
This has been a really long rough journey for us.

And I'm glad,having to go through all that,we have decided to settle down...insya'allah.

Therefore,
Happy 1st year Anniversary sweetheart!
May we have many-many more anniversaries to come...

Till then.

2009-09-02T12:11:00.003+08:00

Today marks the 12th day we are fasting and time is passing too fast.
It's already September.
Alhamdulillah...this year I managed to fast,baru buang 3 hari,unlike the past 2 years,hari-hari aku buang,except for opening and closing.
aku puase pon weight tak turon,turon!
I wanted to lose weight so much!
And I thought maybe after raya,I wanna try Duramin.
Many said there's alot of side effects,but it works.
I don't know...I'll see the situation later.

Last night,mum received a call from aunt saying that Gran's sister (i dunno older or younger),was admitted to hospital,in ICU.
Doctors said there's nothing can be done.
Just that her maid said,the past few days before she got admitted,dier 'meracau',asking her late husband and mother to wait for her.
*goosebumps*
But whatever it is,hari baik bulan baik,we will all pray for her...insya'llah,amin.

On another note,Ewan's birthday is just next week.
I still have no idea of what to get and what to do since we are on a tight budget for the big day.
Just that I think we'll just celebrate it at JB on Saturday since we'll be break-fasting at my uncle's house together with the family.

Tarian training today.
Still trying my best to catch up with the steps!
Very,very forgetful!!!

9 more months to go...

Till then.

2009-08-24T09:51:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah...

Today is the 3rd day of Ramadhan and I managed to fast since the start.

1st day was rather a bad one.

Break-fast over at Gran's place and she cooked my favourite laksa.

But I threw up everything that I ate when I got home.After that onwards,I was afraid to eat so much.

As whenever I eat,I feel like vomitting again.

Takot termuntah lagikkk!

Tak sanggop!

It's only the 1st week of Ramadan.

Soon I'll have to start cleaning up the house as I bet that time will definitely pass fast without us realizing.

And also at the same time,I have to really,really start preparing for my wedding,goin for the kursus,buying of the exchange gifts and all.

Now then I feel the rush to prepare all those things as I find that I will have little time.

Whatsmore when Ewan's off days is not fixed,while mine is.

No more hegeh-hegeh already!

Bulan puase nie...ade jugak orang menguji kesabaran aku!

Don't make me hate you with the way you are ok.

Stop testing my patience.

You said you'll change but I think everything is still the same.

I still get mad over things.

Sometimes I wonder is it U or is it ME?

Please lah okay...our big day is nearing.

We definitely need each other's back.

I don't want the way you are terbawak-bawak sampai after we get married.

BIG NO-NO okay!

The fact is, you know that we still need each other.

So...please.

Till then.

2009-08-17T15:51:00.007+08:00

I am back after a little busy week!

My 24th birthday was well spent although I was rather moodless.We went Sentosa since I wanted to,tanning and sitting by the beach.

Ewan got me a little something which was really unexpected.And that thing was the cause of our arguement which almost made me lost my relationship.

A bracelet from Taka Jewellery.

This is something which I really,really didn't expect from him.Anyways,thank you for the gift sayang.You'll only see me wearing it on occasions.

Come Saturday,it was W I D Y A S A R I's National Day show at Yuhua Village.I didn't get to perform since I have yet to master all the steps.Like I've said before,I have to brush up on alotta things in tarian!

So I only managed to help them with their hair and make-ups.

Believe it or not,it was my first time dolling people up.

'there's always a first time for everything tho...'

Things got screwed up in the beginning,mane takder orang make-up,mane yang samping satu missing!

It was a lil' disaster.

But when they got up the stage to perform,all went smoothly!

Congrats girls!!!

The rest are at FB/Multiply.

3 or 4 more days away to fasting month.I have to really buck up on my fasting this year.No more ponteng suke-suke.

Insya'allah...

Till then.

2009-08-10T20:06:00.001+08:00

I think something is wrong with blogger!
Iritating ah!
Nevermind,I'll update and then edit it later.

Howells...back to work after a long weekend.
But I'll be on half day tomorrow.My boss,being the good one gave me a half-day off for my birthday present.
And Wednesday,I'll be on leave since I wanted to go Sentosa with Love,just the 2 of us as we we won't be celebrating my birthday tomorrow since he just came back from his night shift.
I am hoping so much that it won't be raining on Wednesday.

It was Singapore's 44th Birthday yesterday.
I did nothing but stayed home during the weekends except for Saturday,accompanying Ewan for his soccer match.

Ewan has shown a little change since the latest arguments,but I don't want to predict now.
It's still wayyy too early to judge if the changes are for good or just....semangat 2 minit je!
Definitely,semangat 2 minit bo-layan lah kan!
He knows me well how I'll react...

So,I'll come back to update after my birthday leave,
insya'allah.

Till then.

2009-08-06T11:25:00.002+08:00

Last night,me and Ewan had a long talk after our arguement.

I feel we really need to work things out.

Something happened on Tuesday which I won't elaborate.

Since that day I don't know if I should believe whatever he said although he meant good just to get something for my birthday which was supposed to be a surprise.

Honestly,I've never trusted him since the incident that happened months ago.

I got so tensed that I hurled vulgarities,I threw my ring at him.

I felt so lost,not knowing what else to do to make my relationship bloom just like the past.

Truthfully I told him that the feelings that I've been having for him is slowly fading away that at times,whenever a mistake occured,it can never bother me that much.

Sometimes,I can't even bring myself to face him although it wasn't my fault.

I really,really want us to be like how we used to.

Being so in love with each other,walking hand in hand,laughing and being happy together.

I still remember those moments...

'Honeymoon period' is over I guessed.

But what I fear most now is that I'm afraid the love that I've always had for him will totally run dry.

I must have faith and confidence in myself too.

I don't want that to happen whatsmore when we are settling down soon.

I want things to change between us.

I don't want the love to fade,I don't want us to fall apart.

"This 1 month is for you to really,really change since you still want to go on with the relationship and since you want to work things out.

Please,please don't disappoint me any further as I'm already sad and disappointed enough over whatever is happening around us over and over again.

I wanna love you and only you,just like what you always told me that you want to be with me and only me.

No matter how much I always say I hate you whenever we argue,you definitely know that is so not true and you will never believe me when I said that.

You will always say that no matter how many times I've said I hated you,you believed that deep down in me,there is still love for you.

So please Ewan...."

2009-08-03T17:45:00.000+08:00

Happy 46th Birthday Dad!!!

Semoga dimurahkan rezeki dan dipanjangkan umor...

Amin.

2009-08-02T20:01:00.003+08:00

Weekends was just okay.

Mainly spent with the family at Sentosa Cove and sleepover Saturday and Sunday at Love's place.

And so,things are a little settled since we have seen Kak Yana (LAB Bridal) last Friday to talked about the wedding package for Ewan.

Although a little settled,I still find that there's many things that needs to be done like the exchange gifts,marriage course,ROMM Registry etc.

Alotta things yet so little time.

So that means after raya,we'll be going JB to survey or maybe tempah straight our berkats and invitation cards.

We have 10 more months to settle everything.

And now,when I think about our preparation,suddenly it came to my mind that I strictly can't shop until the day comes.

uuurrgghhhhh!!!!

geram,geram,geram!

I have to wear whatever that I have first.

So sad...

9 more days till the day I turn 24.

sounds old kan!

I don't know what we'll be doing since we really have to save for the preparation and big day.

Told Love that maybe we'll just go Sentosa since I'll be taking leave.

Shall see how things go.

Back to work tomorrow after 4 days of rest!!!

Till then.

2009-07-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

Made my way to the doctor in the morning.
It's the second time I fell sick in a month.
Very,very unusual of me.

Doc thought I may have H1N1 as I had all the symptoms but luckily my fever was not that high.
Got a 2 days MC and quarantined for 3 days.
That is if I'm not well anytime soon,I gotta go back to the doc.

Really sucks being sick.
Bile tak sakit,nak sangat,bile dah sakit,menyumpah!

I had to skip my dance and I felt bad.
There will be a show coming up on the 15th August and I have yet to get all the steps.
I'm sorry girls...not that I don't wanna come for practice,but I felt weak.
I hope so I'll get well before Monday so I can turn up for practice.

Till then.

2009-07-27T16:44:00.003+08:00

Yesterday,me and Ewan was supposed to attend kenduri over at Gran's place.

But we left even before the kenduri started,to attend to a funeral instead.

Thanks to my brother,Apit,who asked if one of Ewan's friend really did passed away.

If not for him,we won't even know.

He lost a friend,secondary school friend,Rickieno,on Saturday due to a bike accident.

I couldn't really recall who he is even when Ewan said I've seen him before during our secondary school days.

It's a lucky thing that Ewan got to see him before the burial.

What touched me was...

the friends,the guys I meant...

the strong bond that they have for each other since secondary school days,

all of them cried during the funeral,lifting the body up and down in a group,and I assumed,they even mandikan arwahnye.

It was hard for them to let go when they have been doing things together for years.

Just when it was time to leave for the burial,they sobbed even harder.

And I thought to myself...

'these are the kind of friends one would look for',

'ini baru namenyer jiwe members'.

And they even went for the burial at Lim Chu Kang together.

I was really touched...

the way they are committed to each other.

That's what friends are for.

Deepest condolences to his family.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya...

Amin.

2009-07-22T12:57:00.001+08:00

I don't know if I should have an FB account.

Still thinking though.

Should I...or...should I not?

2009-07-21T00:33:00.001+08:00

If only we humans don't have to be in love and get married,

life will be just great!

Now I don't feel like I wanna settle down...

2009-07-18T12:38:00.002+08:00

I am finally back to dancing after damn long blardy years since I left secondary school.

All thanks to Hyda.

Last night was my first tarian practice.
I had fun although there was alot of mistakes done.
So much of brushing up to do.

Since this was what I had been wanting to do just that I didn't have any friends who had the same interest as me,and now that I have friends,I'm gonna try my best to get committed to it.

Passion.
Do what you love best!

And so...today and tomorrow will be with Love but no plans have been made so far.Only that we have my cousin's wedding to attend tomorrow.

And I think we'll be staying home today only to go out after 11pm since I wanna watch the APM Live from Jakarta.

Kental...I know!

Ok,gotta get ready later to go over his place and then pick MIL from work.

Have a good weekend babies.

Till then.

2009-07-17T11:37:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER APIT!

Have a good celebration later.

(sorry no picture as I don't have his recent photo.)

Till then.

2009-07-13T22:10:00.007+08:00

Weekend was good...minus the 2 days from Friday night to Saturday quarelling with who else...if not with the Love...the one who loooooves to suck my blood!
And that was also the reason I got my Saturday super wasted,which I won't elaborate lah kan.

Sunday,mom decided to go cycling along with the 2 kids,Amir,Aufa and their mother,but before meeting them at ECP,dad brought us to his workplace.
All the while,I only know he's working in Sentosa,Sentosa Cove and I've never imagined how the place was like...not until I entered.

Now,these 2 houses are Dad's boss's house.

I was speechless.We kept wow-ing here and there.What more when we entered the house.It was so full of WOW!

Now...tell me how can I not imagined alot of fantasies at that point of time...plus the seaview at the back of the house?And a yatch club with own boats/yatch at the back of the other house?

Boleh jadi gile kan!
Macam bukan kat SG gitu!!!

Serious shit I tell you that the houses there was the best,plus those lamborghinis,porches,mercedes and whatnots lah!
Not even those terraces or bungalows that I've seen,could beat their standards.

Okok,enough of fantasies...snap back to reality!

We made our way down to ECP and went cycling for 1 1/2 hour with them.
And then to Mak's place (which is so not recommended to me!) and then home.

Now,I still have that kemarahan with Love in me,up till today.
I dunno if I should be nice to him...although I'm still not in the mood to talk or be okay to him.

Let's just see when he picks me up tomorrow if he could make me feel any better!

Till then.

2009-07-08T15:23:00.003+08:00

It was just my 1st day at work yesterday and I had to go on MC today.
The fever's spreading like nobody's business.
First it was my brother,followed by Love and now it's me.
It sucks being sick!
Medication plus a 2 days rest for me.
Hopefully,by Friday I'll have the strength so I can tagged along with the rest of the secretaries for another K-Nite session.

Another thing is...
I don't know if I engaged the right andaman.
Both Love and my deposits have been deposited.
But it seems like she's very,very busy.
And our time clashes alot.
Me and Love free on weekends,but she's free on weekdays.
We just need to settle things fast so atleast me and Love knows our budget and we can start buying the exchange gifts and all.
I don't think we can backout.Even if we do so at the very last minute,I don't think we'll get our deposits back.
Haizzz....
Well...we'll just see how things goes.

Till then.

2009-06-24T00:24:00.007+08:00

A blast weekend I had,packed with plans.

As usual,alternate Saturdays work in the morning,then to CCK to attend a colleague engagement.

Congrats to Diana & Issyafiq!
Nice makeup,nice outfit and goooood food!

Then to Punggol Sec for what else if not for the Love's soccer match.

Last stop was his takraw manager's chalet at Pasir Ris.

Since Love was having their finals on Sunday,and also since I sleptover his place,we left early for a good rest.

Come Sunday,it was yet another hectic day.

We went out as early as 9am,for the takraw finals.

It was super,super hot having to stay under the sun,although there's shelter,it doesn't help.Whatsmore when we went for a wedding of 1 of the takraw boys in the outfit yang dah kene sweat!

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU TO HIDIR & ROS!

After the wedding,we head back to Eunos CC for the prize-giving ceremony.
All the sweats,the waits and the trainings that the boys had was all worth it when they,emerged as the CHAMPIONS!

We finally ended the day at almost 7pm.
Super,super tired after that.

Now,that was all to summarise my weekends.

Another plan this Saturday with the secondary mates and then another chalet with the family for a birthday celebration next week.

Gotta go now.

Till then.

2009-06-15T23:41:00.007+08:00

It's been quite some time but life is still good on my side,although there maybe those minor hiccups along the way.
Alhamdulillah...
Been busy with my man himself,plans and weddings.

Went for Anugerah opening with the takraw boys on Tuesday for Sein Ahmad initially,but now we have Sarah too!

And then...

Dinner over tulang in accordance with Woodlands Belia A and B matches in the i-dunno-what-league,which they won most of it.

And also...quality time with this little boy and his family, plus my own family,over dinner at Shahi Maharani North Indian Restaurant.

More plans coming up ahead.

Wedding/engagement invite,
Chalet,
Belia Woodlands A and B finals...
and all this will be over this weekend!

For now,I have a task to do.
I am kerja-hunting.
I know it's not easy what's more when it's still the recession period.
But I just can't stand it when people are being so mengira!
This time,I've thought to myself that it's gonna be for real.

Insya'allah...
It just takes a whole lot of patience.

Till then.

2009-05-25T22:05:00.003+08:00

While I'm waiting for Love to reach home,I'll do a little update.

My weekends was well spent,with the loved ones.

Love was on his weekends off,so we rented a car from his friend for both days as we had many plans.

Since Saturday I ended work at 1,he picked me up although he just got back home from his night shift,straight to my place.

We had plans to bring the kids out.Picked them up and off to Holiday Inn Atrium first.My mak andam was having a pameran there,so I popped by to see their designs and at the same time,to deposit the andaman money.

&&& since they also have a few baju's for the pameran showcase,I fell in love only with this one,out of the 3 that they displayed.

Cantik kan,kan,kan!!!
Cantik sangat-sangat!!!
Suker skali!!!

After depositing the money,we went Sentosa for Cable Car ride,dinner and then sent the kids back home as I slept over Love's place.

Come Sunday,it was indeed a family day again.

We had appointment with my aunt for the catering services and I'm very much satisfied with the way she's doing her catering services.Lunch cum dinner at Teh Tarik Geylang after that and back home to change for lepak-ing session with the takraw boys and JB.

Tomorrow till Thursday,will be rest days for me as I won't be working since my agency's out to Redang.So,work will only resume on Friday.

Now...now...

Andaman confirmed,
Catering confirmed,
and there's still many things in the list that needs to be done.

Insya'allah...

Till then.

2009-05-17T15:11:00.002+08:00

Like finally...the 10 days ordeal of not having Love with me will be ending soon.

He's coming back tomorrow.

&&& I so can't wait!

I will be leaving office an hour earlier just to be in time to fetch him at the airport.

Since he's back,we've got a lotta things to do.

Come Sunday,we'll be going to my auntie's house for the catering discussion and then if time permits,we'll be heading to the bridal boutique for the deposits.

We'll have to start preparing things,little by little...

Just hoping that all will go well.

So sweetheart,I'll see you tomorrow!!!

Till then.

2009-05-14T21:00:00.001+08:00

3 more days...and Love will be coming back!

Monday come fast pleaseeee.....

I can't wait!

Missing that man too much already...

2009-05-08T23:33:00.002+08:00

ARAFURA Games is finally here.

7th May 09 to 18 May 09

I just got back from sending the Love off for Australia at the airport.

10 freakings days!!!

God knows how much I'll be missing him...

I've been crying since Tuesday...emo lah gituuuu!

I've been too dependent on him...over everything!

So for this 10 days,I'll have to be by myself,doing everything that he always do for me by my ownself.

It's okay.

Now I shall patience-ly wait for his calls till he comes back.

I'm already missing you sweetheart!!!

Till then.

2009-04-23T13:40:00.004+08:00

The discussion between mum and mil was yesterday at my place.

They have planned it to be June 2010 but date to be confirm.

Wowwwww!!!

It's super fast!

If it's really next year,both me and Ewan are left with 1 year and 2 months for the preparation.

We have to go for the marriage course,have to start buying the exchange gifts,start looking around for bridal outfits,caterings and the list goes on.

Seriously,both me and Ewan find it funny that we are tying the knot.

We looked at each other and laughed!

Haha!

Once he comes back from Australia,we gotta get serious.

Insya'allah...hopefully with God's will,it'll take place.

If not,we'll have to push it to later date,month and year.

&&&

Congrats to the Love coz he hast just passed and got his driving licence earlier on.

Love you loads and loads and loads and a whole countless loads more!!!

Till then.

2009-04-20T23:48:00.003+08:00

I was at work as usual when in the morning mom had to call me up.
I thought it was something very urgent that she can't wait for me to get back home.
But it was about me and Ewan.

She was asking me to make an appointment with MIL together with anaknyer over this weekend to discuss over matters pertaining to the both of us.
What else when parents meet?
Yes,it's about marriage.
*sighhhhhsss*

They wanted us to tie the knot,prolly latest by end of 2010,but when mum told me she targets by June 2010,jantong aku macam nak jatohh!!
To me,it's a little too soon although I'm reaching 24 this year and I wanted to end my singlehood before 25.
And also memandangkan that there were many obstacles that we went through for this 2nd relationship of ours,I decided to you know...follow the flow to wherever it takes us.

Yesterday,mom even brought up this marriage matter to my grandma,telling her that we have planned to settle down only in 2 to 3 years time,but when she heard that,her face was already like tapai basi!
Grandma didn't really agree coz she thinks that it's way too long.

Yes,the thought of it is exciting,but the thought of it is also pressurising.
Y?
Not that I'm not ready,but it's just way too soon!
Nak kahwin cepat-cepat ader aper eh?

I really don't know.
I'll just have to wait for the outcome from the discussion when the parents meet,together with me and Ewan over lunch or dinner.

Plus...
I don't even know if this man above,who has been tolerating ALL of my nonsense,and still sticking with me all throughout,is really,really ready for marriage although whenever asked,his answer has always been in a positive way.

Ahhh...tak naklah aku pecah kan kepale fikir pasal ni.
Maner nak fikirkan pasal Ewan going for Australia,maner nak fikir pasal this matter...

I'd rather go to bed now.
Gotta run errands tomorrow before leaving for APD chalet.

Till then.

2009-04-08T22:15:00.003+08:00

Come May,on this date,Ewan will be departing for Australia for 10 'good' days for his takraw games.

I never wanna count how many days I'm left with to spend time together, whatsmore when he's too committed with his trainings now that we only have time for each other in the night or his weekends off.

His schedules have been the third party between us.We have been arguing almost every week and it has to be ME to always start the fire.It's just so frustrating having to go through this!

And I've been feeling insecure towards our relationship.For the past 3 weeks or so,I've been asking him for us to go separate ways.No matter how hard I tried to put those negatives thoughts behind me,I've always failed.

Separation has always been the last thing on my mind but that has always been the word that I've always blurt out whenever we argue.

But deep down,we have always known that we still need each other...

I really don't know what else to do for us to be like we used to although I know that it's a little impossible.

I even told him that after this,if shits were to happen again,then just let it be.Maybe we are not fated to be together for the 2nd time.

No matter what,I know we gotta be strong just like what he told me,this is parts and parcels of a relationship...

So dearest Ewan,please,please compromise...
I never want any more separation for the 3rd time although I'm always the one asking for it.
&&& I have always,and will always love YOU!
I wanna love only you and no other!

I'm sorry if this bores you,but I just have to let it out.

Till then.

2009-03-21T17:33:00.004+08:00

Thanks to sister for this new skin!

The Airport Police Division DnD 09 last Tuesday at Marina Mandarin was not a bad one afterall.

I was $50 poorer just for that DnD.As I had no idea of what to wear,I went around and got a dress.

It will be a no surprise if I'll just use that dress ONCE!

I no...it's wasted.

Anyways...the food was good,

the deejay/emcee was good too.

The prizes...jgn cakaplah kan!Got LCD teevee lah,Royal Sporting House vouchers lah,DS Lite lah,and many-many more lah!

Those winners are mostly from Ewan's team.

We didn't stay till 1am as stated in the invitation card that there'll be party from 11pm-1am since them boys will be in the morning shift the next day.

All in all,I had fun laughing my ass out during the games part,those pole dancing and whatnots.

As usual,more pictures in my multiply.

Till then.

2009-03-14T19:49:00.002+08:00

Mira,this is for you!..

Here’s a chance to see how well you really know your husband/boyfriend/lover. Cut, paste and fill in the answers, then shoot, you know what to do. The real challenge is to send it to your husband to see how right you really are.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
- Cartoons and whatever that is nice for him to watch.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
- salad?...ermm...i don't think i've seen him eating salad.

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?
- coleslaw,not only one,but a few i bet.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
- most of the time,he orders what i ordered!*kepo!*

5. Where did he go to high school?
- WSS

6. What size shoe does he wear?
- 6,7 or 8?

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
- nothing memorable...only coins and those old notes.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
- he gulps down almost everything!*macam babi!tapi tetap aku sayang kau k.heh!*

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
- if he could eh?...eh i seriously don't know uh.he...hmm...eats different types of food lah.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
- no idea!

11. What would he never wear?
- definitely the opposite sex clothes kan!

12. What is his favorite sports team?
- no idea!

13. Who did he vote for?
- vote what?

14. Who is his best friend?
- kodek.
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
- being stubborn!

16. What is his heritage?
- Malay ?? definitely lah!

17. What is his favourite colour?
- black.*boring!*

18. What is his habit?
- eats with that one kinda irritating sound.there's more actually!

19. What is he proud of?
- proud to be a regular maybe and achieving quite a number of things.

20. Lastly, do you think he will read this?
- i think so you know!

_________________________________________

I'm home on a Saturday.
Ewan's on morning shift and night tomorrow except that tomorrow I'll be accompanying him for his tak-habis-habis takraw matches before he leaves for work.

Then, a last minute DND with the Team Bravo on Tuesday at a hotel which I forgot of the name!

And lastly,I can't wait to do my shoppingsssssssss!!!!

What's important is....I think I wanna perm my hair.You know those kerinting bastard kinda curls...those spiral curls...
ahhh...something like that ah.

But I'm thinking where in Singapore could do that kinda curls,the best one?
My only thought was Far East Plaza - It's Hairy.
But I have yet to go and ask.
If any of you do know of a good salon which do that kinda curls,do tag me ya!

Till then.

2009-03-05T13:47:00.002+08:00

Ewan has finally leaked out the duration that he'll be away to Perth in May.

10 freaking fucking days!!!

Macam nabeicibai!!!

Ape aku nak buat kat SG nie!?

Macam maner marah pon aku,I have to let him go.It's part of his work.

I have to start adapting to his overseas life being with him.

Hopefully,when he comes back,the road trip plan to PD in June/July happens...

Okay,lunch time's over now.

Gotta get back to work.

Till then.

2009-03-02T21:49:00.004+08:00

This will be veryveryvery random.

My weekends was short although Ewan had his offs both Saturday and Sunday.

While he ended his night shift,I had to report back to work on that Saturday.

That was the reason why I said my weekends was short.

But I had fun tho'.

I ended work at 1pm,head back to his place just to surprise him without any calls nor messages.

His beauty sleep got distracted as soon as I came back.

And we only got to sleep at 3pm to 4pm,only to be woken up by MIL since it was almost maghrib.

Itu pon...we still delayed our time on the bed,only to realised that it was already 10pm when we already janji-ed his team mates at 11 for St James.

Apelagikkk...dengan kelamkabotnyer kite siap!

We left the house at 11+,trained to Commonwealth and cabbed to Harbourfront.

Believe it or not,this was my V-irgin visit to St James,and my 1st party for 2009.

Not a bad one after all...I think it's better than Double-O.

I had fun,but we didn't manage to stay till 6am.

We had to leave at 4.30 since Ewan will be having his takraw match that Sunday.

And Sunday,as usual,accompanied him for his game and then back home.

Both days we were together,but still,I am missing him right now.

Like what I told him in the afternoon,"Perasaan aku hari ni lain sikit".

I was like missing him so bad and needing him badly too!

wth!

Ok,I better leave now before he reaches home and I have yet to bath!

**As usual,more flicks are already in my multiply.

Till then.

2009-02-24T23:12:00.002+08:00

Deepest condolences to the family of a girlfriend,Siti Nuraini,who passed away yesterday in JB due to a motor accident.

She was a classmate during my secondary school days.

It was too shocking for most of us that some,including me,didn't actually believe the news.

I feel that it was just some months ago that I saw her in Wisma when she was still working in Bebe.

It's sad that she left at such a young age.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat keatas roh-nya...amin.

2009-02-23T13:25:00.002+08:00

Last Friday was just the day I was waiting for.

A heart to heart talk together with his mum over what happened.

My decision was to leave that very night but his mum insist to talk things out together.

Now that he knows how I feel,I hope,whatever he has promised right infront of his mum's presence and me,would be the last one.

I can never always be the forgiving one when the other party keeps repeating the same mistakes.

I have to thank MIL for making things right for us,for making us still stick together.

"Dearest Ewan,

I hope you'll mean whatever you've promised me and ibu.I can never tolerate any more nonsense after this.Like I've said,after last Friday,anymore shits from you,no matter how much I'll regret leaving you,I will have to.I can't keep giving you chances over and over again.
Because of the love that I've been having for you that is too strong,I decided to stay.
I really hope that you'll change this time.
Love you sweetheart!"

Till then.

2009-02-19T13:29:00.002+08:00

Too disappointed.Too disappointed.Too disappointed.

I don't know if I should really mean what I've said,

I don't know if I should really leave this time.

One thing after another,

disappointment after disappointment.

I've like had enough of everythink.

Love life's getting too messed up and topsy-turvy slowly.

Haizzz...

What's next?

2009-02-15T13:57:00.002+08:00

I was on MC on Friday.
Had fever due to the swollen gums I had from the growing wisdom tooth.
I couldn't even talk properly and had to rely on porridge for meals.
So sickening!
And up till today,it's not getting any better.
Hopefully by tomorrow so I can eat better food rather than porridge!

How was my V-day?
Nothing special since I don't celebrate.
It's like everyday is a love day for me.
I went out from home as early as 0830am for Ewan's tournament.
But yesterday's match was not a full day basis.
So he ended his game at 1pm,bus-ed back to his place for him to change and then to my place for me to change,then train-ed to town.
We had Sanur for late lunch cum dinner and just walked around,shopped a little and then back home to his place.

Last night was a mess,after I found out things that really disappoint me.
I really don't know till when he can keep disappointing me.
This is not the first since we got back together.
How many chances can I keep giving him?
How many sorries can I tolerate?
And the sad thing is,after 5 months,he's still saying he's trying his best to change?
What is that for?
Is this what I deserved for trying to be a good fiancee for the second time,promising to my very own self that I will change for the best for us,for the future that we have been wanting 2 years ago,promising to myself that history won't repeat,promising to myself that I will never hurt him like I did before...?
Or is this what I deserved for doing shits to him and that it's coming back to me?
I've never asked anything much from you since we got back,but all I've asked for is the old you....
Sometimes I think it's true when people say,'The person you love most,will be the person who hurts you the most."

Today will be the semi-finals and finals of yesterday's tournament which I'm not able to tag along as he will be going to work after that.
&&& he was telling me yesterday that he has been asked to go for the National team training next tuesday.
That's definitely an achievement for him but hopefully when he's already committed in the national training,we both won't drift apart due to our busy schedules.
Whatsmore when I think he sometimes has to go overseas for trainings and tournaments just like this coming May or so that he might be going Australia for tournament.
So,hopefully today they will be another champion!

Till then.

2009-02-08T01:21:00.003+08:00

This was taken earlier just now.
We took the kids out to makan and jalan-jalan in town.
Initially,the idea was to bring them to Sentosa,but since Apul was having ugame that he can't skipped,we ditched that idea.
& I know my sister was bored and I think she was also bored with one of her friend,therefore,came the idea to bring them out together with us.

Sister wanted to go to the Nike Sale at Expo badly,but upon reaching Expo,the entrance queue was supersupersuper long.And it was only till 7pm when we only got there at 6pm.So,we gotta ditched that idea again and head to Clarke Quay for late lunch come dinner.
Right after dinner,since there will be Thaipusam tomorrow (as in Sunday),we walked from Clarke Quay,passed by the temple which will be their last stop,although they will only start walking at 2am later and then to town and back home since Apul's life battery was almost flat.

I am supposed to be sleeping now as I gotta wake up at 7am later since Ewan will be having his takraw tournament at Bedok and that he will be fetching me at 8am.
Speaking of that,it's been very long since I last accompanied him for his tournaments.And I definitely missed him in action!heh.
I am sure that I'll be whining I'm sleepy...bla...bla...bla...!
Whatsmore when later I might be going out to watch Thaipusam with mom,dad,sister and brother.Ewan had to skipped since he needs to save his energy for the game.I'm excited to watch!..It's been 2 years that I watched Thaipusam!
Hmm...a little looking forward to it tho'.
Macam aku pulak yang celebrate!
Haha.

Gotta go now.

Till then.

2009-02-06T20:39:00.009+08:00

I am back!
Back from my super short getaway on a cruise with the others of the Team Bravo besides Ewan.

We were supposed to meet the rest of the mates at Harbourfront at 9pm,but since Ewan came to my place to help mom with shifting the fridge,and also since he have yet to pack his bag,therefore we skipped meeting his mates at 9pm.We left his place only at 8pm but still we reached Harbourfront rather early as the ship will only sail at 11pm and the latest timing we have to check in was by 1030.

We got our room on the 9th floor,with no seaview.

It was rather small tho,but for the 2 of us,considered okay lah kan.
After settling our stuffs,we managed to have dinner/supper,and then walked around to see what was in the cruise.Maklomlah...first time katekan!
Since it was already late and there was nothing much we could do,them boys planned to berjudi.
They have already planned this even before this cruise-ing thing I guess coz all came with their own bag of coins.

See,this was what I meant.
They made one of the room as their tempat perjudi-an.And and they judi-ed till morning lah eh!
I was already asleep while halfway watching them judi-ed.

Come the 2nd day,we went for breakfast as early as 7am!Mentang-mentanglah most of them tak tido...

...and they were too excited to swim and try the jacuzzi.

Too excited to play with the slides and all,in the end they only spent 20 minutes playing around with water!
Semua dah ngantok sangat!
Went back to our rooms,washed up and got some sleep.
We woke up at 1pm since there will be a pit stop at Port Klang.
Some decided to stay in the ship and continue sleeping while some decided to do some shopping.
It was stated in the papers that it will take atleast 1 hour 30 minutes for us to go KL.
So myself,Ewan and the other 2 boys went KL,Petaling Street since 1 of the boys have never been there.
We went free and easy instead of tour.Coz if we were to go by tour,time was restricted.We have to be back in the ship by 9pm.
Those who went by tour left KL at 6pm,while the four of us,we only left at 7pm.We even sempat to have super late lunch!

We got back half an hour early although there was traffic jam everywhere.
As usual,them boys will continue their perjudian and me,as usual will fall asleep halfway.

Last day,we woke up at 1030 as we had to leave the room by 12pm for the crews to clear the mess.
We managed to grab breakfast although things were quite in a rush and the buffet area was super crowded.
A last group photo of them boys before we go our separate ways.

I had fun together with them as always whenever they have their soccer match.

So...tomorrow,might be bringing the kids to Sentosa as the privilege tickets that Ewan got last year have not been used.

And Sunday,will be accompanying Ewan for his takraw match at Bedok.If it's not a full day competiton,we might be heading Dhoby Ghaut for the yearly Thaipusam.

I got to go now.
Got to get ready for supper.
**For more photos,it's in my multiply.

Till then.

2009-02-02T22:08:00.003+08:00

My weekends was a good one although it meant we only stayed home.

Since I slept over at his place on Saturday,the both of us decides spending quality time together since we have been having much arguements lately.

It was also because I've already planned a week earlier that we should be cleaning his house that Sunday,and we did!

Now it's all neat and tidy,spick and span!

Slowly...I feel the honeymoon period is coming back again...

I realised that it's only when we are together outside or at home that we can never argue.

Tapi bile tak jumpe,macam anjing dengan kucing,lagik-lagik aku!

Atleast he's showing some changes tho'.
(Jangan semangat 2 minit je eh boy!)

I'm happy enough for that.

Anyhoos,1 more day to go before we depart for our super short getaway on Wednesday night.

Yeay-ness!!!

That means....another holiday for me.

But after this,strictly no more travelling.

It's time to think of the future honey!!!

Till then.

2009-01-27T02:17:00.002+08:00

Shits,shits and more shits coming in for me I guess!

All this shits coming from my man himself!

The grips that I've been holding on to this relationship is really getting loose each day.

Chances after chances!

Keep saying sorry,each time shits happened,but what's the use?

Just what is your fucking problem!?

I'm seriously in no mood for LOVE now,

those honeymoon periods that we used to have,I just don't know where has it gone to.

Those happy moments,those laughters...

just where is everything that we used to have!?

But after all the pains,why is my heart still saying that I still do love you?

& because of the love I still have for you,I kept giving you chances.

I get pains in return on top of all that.

Just when are you gonna change your fuckin blardy atttitude as you have always promised!?

When?

When I've finally make a decision to return you my ring,is it?

When I've finally make a decision to move on with life without you,is it?

Please lah eh,I've had enough nonsense.

Think of what you are gonna do,without having me to always keep repeating things.

I'm seriously dead tired.

I wanna be happy with you.

But now,I feel like it's just impossible for me to be happy...

2009-01-25T16:12:00.002+08:00

As said,last Monday I had a movie with Love and his team mates.

We watched Ong Bak 2.

Best till I was too engrossed watching it!

After the movie,while some of them when for Karaoke-ing and bowling,we both went home since he was on morning shift the next day.

Nothing much happened this week coz we didn't see each other that much.

It was only on Friday that we get to spend some time together since I slept at his place.

& Saturday,we got into an arguement before I left for work,whatsmore with me having bad migraine just afterI woke up.

That arguement got me saying things which I'm not supposed to,and got me tearing as well.

It was just a small matter but I was too disappointed with him.

Maybe,it's true when people say that "2nd time won't be the same as the 1st" (if you people get what I mean).

But like I've said many,many times,I just can't be bothered.What for kannn?Peningkan kepale sendiri jek!!

And today,I have to skipped my part-time work.

It's the time of the month,and the cramps are just too painful.

Another thing before I go,my leave for the Cruise trip with team Bravo has been approved!

Yeayyy!

Now,I can't wait for that.

Till then.

2009-01-17T21:30:00.003+08:00

Life has been pretty much like a busy bee.

Having to manage life with the man,having to manage with 2 jobs at a time,both part-time and full-time.

Yes,I've started my part-time job even before I left for KL.
Hmm...so far so good.
I work for the money what!
So the rest can put aside.
& I've started coming back on Saturdays to my full time job just today,alternately.

Life with the man,Ewan...
I must say,there's many downs at the moment,
mainly because of his attitude.
Till there's time where I asked to be separated.
But I know people makes mistakes although it's not a major one.
I don't know why,when it comes to Ewan,whenever I'm not happy with his attitudes,I tend to forgive and give him chances after chances.
He's been making a number of promises which have yet to be fulfilled that I'm always upset and disappointed about.
LAZY-NESS suddenly became part of his life besides me.
And because of that lazy-ness,we have to always argue.
Kalau nak kate dier penat keje,aku pon penat keje,whatsmore with 2 jobs in hand.
Ahhh....!
I'm like totally lazy to talk much already.
That's the reason why now our conversations has gone lifeless.
Whatever he says,I'll just go,'ah','okay','ah','okay'.
Itu je lah yang mampu aku jawab sekarang.
Besides that,nothing else.
Dahlah...bobal panjang-panjang kat sini pon tak gune if things will still be the same.

I just came back from aunt's place visiting my grandmother as she will be admitted to SGH on Monday for her leg operation.
Hopefully,everything will be alright.
So basically,this will be my Saturday.

Come Sunday tomorrow,will be accompanying Ewan for his monthly soccer match with his team mates before he leaves for his night duty.
And then Monday will be movie date with him and his team mates as well.

I think that's all I have for this entry.

Till then.

2009-01-05T13:55:00.003+08:00

Yeayyy!!!

Like finally,I've found my engagement pictures!

All thanks to the man,who has been keeping it at his place when I was like a mad woman searching for it in my room few days ago!

Thanks eh!

The rest will be up in my multiply although it's not that much.

Till then.

2009-01-02T13:56:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for my Saturday & Sunday coz...

I am missin my Ewan!!!

Yes,aku miss kau!

Sister was admitted to KK hospital last nite because of the HFMD thing.

But she can be discharged tomorrow.

Alhamdulillah...

Get well soon dearest,love you okay!

Till then.

2009-01-01T18:16:00.002+08:00

I am definitely missin Love.

He's back to work today after being on leave for 10 days.

We spent the night together yesterday,counting down the minutes to 2009 at home.

And tonight,it's time I snap myself back to reality since I'll be resuming work tomorrow.

Now,I'll wait for February to come coz it's gonna be another holiday for us (I think) before both me and Ewan starts saving again!

On another note,little sister got HFMD yesterday and got 10 days MC.
Hopefully it's nothing serious and for her to get well soon.

Ok,I'm done.

Till then.

2008-12-31T16:56:00.007+08:00

Now,let this be my last post for 2008.

I was out and away on holidays for 6 days,from 24th-29th Dec 08,with my best man,Ewan.
Just the 2 of us.

We left my house super early in the morning on the eve of Christmas since our coach was at 8am,whatsmore with the rain pouring heavily.
First stop was Batu Pahat since Ewan wants to visit his dad,grandmom and grandad.
It was a 4 to 5 hours journey.
Reached Batu pahat bus terminal,he got his brother fetching us to the Kampong & we had to take a cab since the house was right,right inside.

Being me,who has never stayed in a Kampong since I've grown older (I did when I was still a little kid,which at that point of time knows nothing),I started to get all eerie with all the surroundings!
And being me also,I got all paranoid over all the living things there.
Yes,aku nie penakot!I'm scared of all the animals including cats and insects!
Chickens & roosters running everywhere,cats coming in and out of the house,lizards everywhere,I saw snake(it was said to be grass snake) entering the house through a hole while watching tv,then when night comes,fox will come from the forest at the back of the Kampong to prey on the chickens!
And whenever I needed the toilet,I'll make sure Ewan will check the surroundings for me before I enter.

We didn't go anywhere on our first day since we were a little tired.
Come 2nd day,since I was bored doing nothing besides watching tv,me and Ewan decided to bring his brother out to town.
We shopped for the brother,bought him some t-shirts and snacks,had dinner at Pizzahut then back home.
3rd day,just the day I was waiting for.
It's time for us to depart for KL!!!
Excited!
I didn't have to worry of my surroundings anymore.
We left Kampong at 10.30 since our bus to KL was at 12.30pm.
It was a 4 hours journey and excitement kept lingering around me.

We managed to get a hotel in Pudu,which was just a walking distance to everywhere except for KLCC and Masjid India.
Once we reached the hotel,without waiting any longer,we went out just after putting our bags.

We walked around Bukit Bintang and whatever malls there is.
We had an early night for our first day coz we were too tired.

2nd day,we woke up and went out again,to Bukit Bintang, Masjid India then back to the hotel to rest and later in the evening to Petaling Street.
Petaling Street was hahh!!...awesome!
Just like singapore's Bugis Street.
Can never get enough shopping!
We were there from 7pm right up till 9.30pm.
Shopped and shopped till Ewan dropped!!!
haha.
We changed $1200 including hotel's accomodation and the rest was spent at Petaling Street.
Last day,we went Bukit Bintang,Sungei Wang PLaza,had lunch at Secret Recipe and then hailed a cab to KLCC.
We were there only for a short while since it was crowded.
Back to the hotel to rest and then in the evening,head down to Petaling Street again!
We changed for another $300.
We head back to the hotel rather early since we had to pack all our things as our bus to Singapore was at 11.30am.

All in all,I was happy and satisfied with the trip.
Am definitely gonna make a comeback!
This is the best to end my 2008.

Thank you Love for everything!

Now...now...today's the last day of 2008.
I don't think I'll be out counting down the minutes to 2009 since Ewan will be working his morning shift tomorrow.
Boring....!
But what to do!

2008...
There's many goods and bads in all.
But the best is...me and Ewan got back together!

That's the best thing that happened for me in 2008.
The bad....nah...shall just throw away the past and look forward to the present.

Resolution...
Everlasting and blessed love with the best man,
the rest,I'll just follow the flow!

2009...
I'm just hoping 2009 will be good year for me with no heartbreaks,no nerve-wrecking dramas for the both of us.
For me to achieve whatever I wanted and for my family to be always happy!

Before I go,

Happy New Year to all of you!

Till then.

2008-12-21T23:10:00.001+08:00

Can't Wait!Can't wait!

2 more days to my holidays with LOVE!!!

Counting down slowly now...

Till then.

2008-12-16T00:30:00.005+08:00

My weekends was a good one.
Since mom,dad and my two siblings are away,I slept over at Ewan's place on Sunday.
He came to pick me up right after work and straight to his crib,to sleep.
We planned to go out but he's too busy sleeping away till I got mad.
Wasted some time,got ready and then off to town,to meet his friends.

Had supper at Newton,and since it was raining,there was nothing much we could do but head home.
My monday was spent with appointments and then to Bugis to meet the dearest cousin Mira,Fish & Co for dinner and then home right after since Ewan is not feeling well.

Back to work tomorrow!

On another note,I've got a part-time job.
Will be starting this weekend.
Only will be working strictly on weekends and PHs.
Alhamdulillah...there goes my extra income.

Since I'm all to lazy to rant more,
now,it's time I turn in...

Goodnite babies.

Till then.

2008-12-13T12:17:00.002+08:00

Okay...I'm all alone at home now.
Mom,Dad and my 2 siblings left early in the morning.
I woke up from bed just to see them at the door,and being me,I cried!
gembeng!..I know.
This is the first time I'm left all alone at home.
sighhhhhhh.....!

They are gonna be gone for 3 days and will only be back on Tuesday.
I'm not even sure if I would be able to sleep tonite.
Aku nie penakot sikit!
Whatsmore when Apit is not even home.
He's on duty I think.
Ewan won't be around to accompany me since he's on night duty as well!
Another sighhhhhhh....!

Looks like I gotta endure today.
If I can't get to sleep tonight,I suppose I may have to sleep with the lights of my room and the radio turned on.
haha!kental,I know!

Hopefully they'll have fun in KL and be back safely.
Insya'allah...
*i miss them already*

Now,I gotta rush to do the laundry and then siap for lunch with love before he leaves for work later.

Till then.

2008-12-08T22:19:00.004+08:00

&&& I just came back.
Back from Aunt's place,for the usual small family gathering.

A lil too tired and sleepy.
Gotta remind myelf to turn in early since I have to reach work at 8am tomorrow.

Anihoos,weekends was good.
Ewan had his offs both Saturday and Sunday.
Every month it never fails me to sleepover at his place whenever he's on his weekends off.
That's the best part!

Tagged along with him since he had night soccer at East Coast with his team mates.

It was just a 2 hour game.
& we head home right after that.

Come Sunday,we were in bed right up till 10pm.
Too lazy to even go out.
Whatsmore when I had bad migraine since early morning.

And today,I gave a miss to meet him.
I know,it's so not me.
But I gotta wake up early tomorrow and it's still drizzling outside.
I shall be patience till Wednesday when he's off.

Now,let's go a little random.

Mom,Dad and the other 2 of my siblings will be going to KL this Saturday till Tuesday.
That will leave me and Apit all alone at home.
That's also provided if Apit won't be working.
If he does,I'll be all alone,since Ewan will be on his night shift.
I guess I'll have to sleepover at Ewan's place again on Sunday and Monday.
duhhhh!!!

Me and Ewan is still deciding whether we should balik to his kampong to visit his dad or not.
He has not seen his dad for 4 years and that's way too long already!
Besides visiting his Dad,we thought of going KL as well.
It's like 3 days in kampong and 3 days in KL.
We have already got the dates but you know recently there's those landslide (or whatever it is),and just two days ago,that coach crash.
It's freaking me out since it'll be just the 2 of us who's going.
I really don't know.
I'll leave it to him to decide.

&&& if you must know,

I'm missing him!!!

Till then.

2008-12-08T10:52:00.001+08:00

SALAM AIDIL-ADHA

to all!

2008-11-28T13:47:00.002+08:00

I thought of him for the past few days.

Thinking whether to call or not to call,to message or not to message just to check if he's doing good.

But,I receive a message from him,early in the morning that he was beaten up,till he lost conscious while playing soccer and now,he's warded.

I still don't know the full story.

It's so not him to get into troubles.

Whatever it is,I pray for your speedy recovery dear friend...

&&& I shall find time to visit you just like you did when I was hospitalised.

TGIF!!!

Till then.

2008-11-25T13:43:00.003+08:00

Last night was another of our nerve wrecking drama,right at his crib.

Out of anger,I threw the ring right at him and walked out from his place.

Arguements between us has been never ending.

It always gets worst when I get so temperamental and starts throwing my temper all over.

Is it you,who promised to change which you said you are doing so little by little that you claimed I didn't notice,

or

Is it me the one being very temperamental over every little things? (Yes,I do admit when I'm angry,I'd stir up everything and drag things for days)

I really don't know what's happening to us.

Really.

As much as I'm tired of everything,I'm trying hard still to be patience.

What's important that I need to convey to you is that, this heart has never lied that I've been loving you since 2 years back and that I'm still loving you like before sweetheart....

Till then.

2008-11-23T20:11:00.002+08:00

I was on mc on Thursday and Friday,and this picture above was taken on my 'malam Khamis' itself together with his team mates.

I didn't enjoy myself,I kept complaining that I was bored!

Yes,I was bored from the start,till the end.

The mood was just not here nor there.

Nevertheless,we left and got home as early as 3am!

Nasib baik besoknyer aku tak keje!

Since I was on mc,stayed home with Ewan,bayar balik hutang tido,only to go out for his takraw later that night.

And Saturday,for the first time,aku jadi budak bodoh kene datang balik keje,sorang-sorang in the office.

What crap!!!

But atleast those 2 days of mc's work has been done.

Stayed home for my weekends since he's working.

Spent my time with the family dining at Pizzahut.It's been so long since the last I went out with my family.

Back to work tomorrow.

&

Time for me to watch whatever programme there is on the teevee before I putting myself to sleep.

Till then.

Till then.

2008-11-18T13:42:00.002+08:00

We almost lost everything again yesterday.

I got so mad that I was at the verge of giving up,already ready to give him back my ring.

But I was still strong and patience that I pulled myself together,cried myself hard,with those hugs and kisses that things between us got better at that very moment.

Please sweetheart,let's work things out again and again and again...

Kau tau aku sayang kau kan,kan,kan!

Till then.

2008-11-13T13:58:00.003+08:00

Let's go random!
Above was taken at Ming Arcade last Friday.
Went karaoke-ing with the rest of the secretaries right after work.
Janjinye 7 people,yang datangnyer only 5.
Betol punye JANJI MELAYU lah!
Sang to our heart contents till 10.30 and straight away home after that.
This above was taken on Tuesday.
Went JB-ing with the newlyweds and Fadzil.
This time Fadzil was not riding since Azmeen was driving.
We had seafood supper at Singgah Selalu.
Ate alot till we were too bloated to walk!
Then,since we wanted to get some vcds,ciggs and whatnots,Azmeen brought us to Pandan City.
And that was mine and Fadzil's first virgin visit there.
Hah!
I was told that that place is something like a 24 hours shopping place gitu.
But,I don't find anything fancy at all!
Bought all the stuffs needed,and home after that.

And believe it or not,the four of us have known each other since our secondary school days,but this was our first time going out together as a group.
But me and Fadzil have been going out since 2 years ago and he's even close to my family.
It's actually macam tak percaye that we can get along and get this close when in school,we were just those kinda hi-bye thing.
I bet there'll be more of this kinda outings sooner or later.

Now,now...lunch time ending soon.
I got to go.

Till then.

2008-11-11T13:19:00.003+08:00

A year older,

A year wiser...

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY,TENGKU!

On a random note,Ewan has passed his confirmation period.

And therefore he's now a confirmed staff with the Police Force.

Syukur alhamdulillah...

Till then.

2008-11-02T03:40:00.003+08:00

Big shoutout to a dear girlfriend...

Happy 21st Birthday Huda!
(not too sure if 21 is the right age!)

I'm sorry couldn't join you guys in St James.
Will make it up to you,hopefully soon okay.
Love you!

&&&
I know I've spent the whole day with you earlier today as well as yesterday,
but I gotta tell you the fact that,
I am still missing you Ewan!

I can NEVER get enough of you!!!

Till then.

2008-10-31T12:57:00.003+08:00

I hate this!

I hate the fact that he's leaving me for Perth and maybe KL cum next year!

For what?

For his takraw trainings lor!

1 week!

You may say,'alah...next year pe...1 week je pe...'

But ey,1 week can do wonders you know!

What am I gonna do?

Yes,I know,to fill my time with family and friends.

But then again,the feeling is different okay.

I won't get that tight hugs and wet kisses from him!

Alah!

Benci!Benci!Benci!

Whenever he speaks of it,I can't help it but to feel sad and I'll definitely cry bout it.

Emo lah gitu!

Maner taknye,it's like everyday we are together.

Ewan darling...jangan lah pegi...

Please...

On another note,

I hell load miss my Thurday nights partying my ass off!!!

Dy,let's go on the 20th okay?

Please...

It's gonna be end of the year soon,and then it'll be 2009.
Time is just so freaking fast.
I've like got so many,many,many things in my head.
&&& I need so much time for that many,many things.
So time,be slow and steady for me please!

Till then.

2008-10-26T22:16:00.002+08:00

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU,
to this 2 lovebirds.

Alhamdulillah...after many ups and downs that they encountered in their relationship since our secondary school days,sampai jugak ke jinjang pelamin.

Congrats to them both!

On another note,I hate it when it comes to 'kahwin-kahwin' ni sume!
People will definitely ask a very tough question.
"When is your turn?"
Hmm...and then I'll go, "Insya'allah..."

Yes,I've always hate that question although I tend to envy those who's married and with kids,and although I know that stage of life is hard.

When Ewan and myself got engaged last year,paling lambat we ikat was 2 years,so that means,if not by next year,we'd have already tie the knot.
But since now dah 'terbantot' kan,maklomlah...baru aje reconciled,Ewan was saying hopefully in 2 years,which is 2010,we'll settle down.
Mom was also saying a while ago that it's time I think of my marriage.
Duhhh!

Like old people say...
'Kite hanya merancang,Tuhan yang menentukan'.

Insya'allah...if we both are meant to be for each other,we'll be...and work hard for what we have planned.

Just put marriage aside and not think about it.

Till then.

2008-10-24T23:51:00.002+08:00

New addition in our family...

Nur Syuhadah Insyirah

Yes,my last aunt gave birth to this little gendut in the early morning at 2.14am,on 24th October 08.

So,that means...another niece for me!
And that also means,starting from next year,additional duit raya.
Another GENDUT in the house!!!

Now,I shall find time to visit this babygirl,anytime soon I hope.

Till then.

2008-10-23T13:32:00.002+08:00

I hate people poking their nose in my blardy pants!

Seriously,I hate this.

Please,please mind your own fuckin' business alrite'!

Till then.

2008-10-22T12:42:00.008+08:00

And so...I'm finally done with my raya this year.
Raya dah nak abis pon!
Still,last weekends was filled with Raya visitings with the EVP-ians on Saturday.

As usual,it will all be the usual suspects.
Some couldn't make it.
Still,there were 20 of us in all,just nice for the bus we rented.
Yang tempang pon jalan with us dengan crutches.
Just two days after the accident.

Ini jiwe namenyer!

We managed to cover everybody's houses.
And this year,almost every house we went,there's food.
Macam nak meletop perot aku!
As I was gonna have a long journey back home,I didn't join them for the last house.
Maklomlah...aku sorang yang tinggal north.Yang lain semua kat east side!
Got home,washed up and off to Ewan's place.

Sunday,
No plan for us.
So I went over to Ewan's place and we stayed home the whole day only to go out for his daily takraw.
Quality time lah gitu!

Come Monday,I was on leave.
And his team planned to go jalan raye.
Pelik kan....jalan raye on a weekdays.
Biaselah,orang kalau keje shift,susah for them to have offs all on the same day.
So,it was Team Bravo's raya outing.

It was a total of 5 cars and a bike.
We covered 11 houses in all and the last house was at 12.30am.
I was so tired and sleepy by then plus the nausea feelings I was having.
Maybe because I had too much fillings in my stomach that I feel like vomitting at the end of the day.

And now,I guessed I have gained many kilos from those 2 outings over the weekends.
It's time for me to throw all those fats away!

On another note,
we are back together.
Yes,me and the ex-fiance decided to give ourselves a 2nd chance to work things out.
Both of our families gave us their blessings,despite whatever happened in the past.
We have also gotten our rings back respectively,

It's time for us to mend whatever happened before,to be better this time.
So baby,let's throw the past and start anew.
Insya'allah,things will go just fine,the way we have always wanted it to be.

Till then.

2008-10-17T12:12:00.002+08:00

After days of being super upset, super disappointed,super angry,

after much vulgarities thrown at each other 2 days ago,
we are back on track as per normal.
Alhamdulillah...

Remember sweetheart,you've promised me you'll change.
Show me what you've got!
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Although I'm okay now,whatever I've said to you in all the messages,I mean it okay.
Don't think that I'm fooling around.
It's about time I be serious.
So,bear all of that in your head.

Anyways...
nothing much to update.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd raya outing for the EVP-ians.
Then I'll be on leave on Monday,which will also be jalan raya-ing with Ewan's colleagues.

So...I'll be back with those pictures soon!

Till then.

2008-10-13T10:59:00.002+08:00

Wackyyy Weekends!

Saturday was spent sleeping over at Ewan's place.
We didn't even go out.
Stayed home the whole day,only to go out for his takraw that night,spending time with his friends after that and mending his clothes from his cupboard which look like a 'kandang babi'.
We only got to sleep at 4am although knowing that we have to wake up early the next day.

Entahlah eh...I'm now lazy to go out even on a Saturday.
Mood nak kluar tu takde!
I'd rather stay home.
That's what I've been doing most of the past Saturdays.

Come Sunday,we head down to Sentosa.
Orang lain busy ber-raya,kite busy ber-suntan!
Good enough the sun was scorching hot!
Best!!!
We were there till 5,packed up and head to CWP for breakfast cum lunch cum dinner.
Dah penat-penat kat Sentosa,those guys can even go for takraw!
ish!~

But the later part of Sunday turned out to be the worst!
I found out some things that I never want to know.
Shall not elaborate.
My hopes just crashed at that very moment.
The trust decreased to zero!
I have never expected this.
Really...
He got me too disappointed with what went wrong.
What's in mind now is to just pack my bag & leave everything behind...

Ahhh!!!
This kinda situation is just so sucky!!

No mood already lah.
Sorry.

Till then.

2008-10-09T11:49:00.003+08:00

After having him all to myself for 4 days straight as he was on MC for 2 days+2 off days,now I have to accept the fact that he's back to work!
chet!!
That 4 days spent was just wonderful.
We had our shares together with his mum,layan-ing her till she goes to sleep or vice-versa,accompanying him for his daily takraw,supper with our friends till 4am and lastly,our own quality time spent!
Best!!!
& just 2 days ago,after coming back from supper with our friends,as we were lying side by side,there he went...saying things...from how we met since he was 14,still in school shorts during 'our kentalan days' to what happened after that up till today.
& him again...pouring out all his feelings from day 1.
and there I go 'awwww....'
heh.
10 freaking long years!
Little did I know of that.

Now,I feel that I'm being rushed.
Rush for what?
That shall be a hush,hush for now.

&&& today is THURSDAY!
Thursday hari ape???
Thursday hari joget!!!
D to the B to the L to the O!
Yes,but it's not yet confirm.
Weekends are planned.
It's his off days both Saturday and Sunday.
Suke!!

Ahhh!
This is the best part of life,when you are all happy with it.
Yes,my life's getting a whole lot better as days passed.
Alhamdulillah...

Till then.

2008-10-06T21:35:00.011+08:00

Alrite...

I'm all too lazy to update.

Therefore,let the pictures do okay!

All this was taken on Sunday,visiting on Mum's side + a pitstop at CGH to pick my uncle who was discharged.

Till then.

2008-10-05T06:44:00.004+08:00

Morningg!!!
I just got back home from Ewan's place.
& this has been my daily routine except for the fact when it comes to weekends,& he's not working,I'll stay till the next morning/afternoon at his place and then I'll go back.

As I stayed home on the 2nd day of Raya,we continued raya-ing,continue-ing visiting houses on Dad's side along with this 2 kids.

& this small kid,just when I said,"Amir,1,2,3 smile..." he closed his eyes,continued my counts after 3 till 10,& thought I was playing hide and seek with him when all I wanted to do was to snap a picture of him.How cute!

Back on track,we managed to finish up only 4 houses and got home earlier than expected.I showered,got ready and went back to Ewan's place with the help of him picking me up.

Saturday.
We stayed home.
No visitings done.
Parents was prioritising more on my lil bro's ongoing PSLE,therefore we stayed home just for him to do his revisions.
While I,went out to Ewan's place,having those quality time spent from 3pm,then over to his takraw game and lepaking sessions after that till 1am,got home,grabbed some food,cut his nails for him (macam boss!) & off to get some sleep till 5am as I'm heading home & also because he was supposed to be on his morning shift today.But as we woke up,he gently whispered to me that his body is too tired (alasan kan!?).
Kalau dah gitu,ape jawabnye?
MC lah!
Yes,he'll be on MC today & tomorrow,which will mean that there'll be more quality time till wednesday before he resumes for work on Thursday.
yeay-ness!!!

Today,will be going out visiting on Mum's side,together with aunts and uncles + their families.
Therefore,I shall stop here and get a short nap before turning to a zombie when I'm out later.

Till then.

2008-10-02T16:27:00.002+08:00

This was my first day of Raya.
All went smoothly not until when we got home last night,mom received a call saying that her 2nd elder brother was admitted to hospital because of a heart attack and had to go for a major operation right there and then.
Thankfully,I'm on 2 days leave.
Mom has been out since morning to the hospital while I mend the house.
Insya'allah,he'll be fine.

Till then.

2008-10-01T04:33:00.000+08:00

To all:

SELAMAT HARI RAYA,

MOHON MAAF,ZAHIR & BATIN!

2008-09-23T10:05:00.003+08:00

My weekends was so-so,mainly because I stayed home.
Yes,I was at home on a Saturday.
Ewan was working his night shift on that day,so I stayed home to finish up with the paintings.
Alas,it was done on that day itself.
I went out with the family after that for breakfast,over at Kartini (it was mum's treat,sape tak nak kan!) and head down to Geylang after that.
Geylang...tak payah cakap ah.
What do you expect of the crowd on a Saturday kan.
Family punye pasal,sanggop lah kan ikot dorang!
Ended our day almost 12 midnite!

Sunday,
went over to Ewan's place.
As he just came back from his night shift,let him sleep for 1 hour plus,woke him up to get my hair done.
He accompanied me pulak for that 4 freaking hours while I was at the salon.
Sempat dier tido kat dalam salon tu!
Got my hair highlighted for only $45 which is already very cheap for me and it turned out just nice!
Very satisfied!
Bought some food for buke and went back his place after that.
That is just how I spent my Sunday.
Boring?
Not really lah.
It's just the quality time spent that matters.
heh.

And yesterday,we had a big arguement.
I almost gave up.
But I know,we'll be fine soon after.
&&& we are okay now.

Syawal is just 8 days away.
I'm not done with painting my room.
Will be finishing it up this Thursday,hopefully,since he'll be helping.
Only then on Saturday,I will summarise the kemas-kemas of the house.
Talking of Raya,I've not even bought my clothes,shoes and whatever.
We'll only be doing it on a last minute basis,next Monday.
Superrrr last minute!
What to do...this year it's very rushing.
As long as things go as planned,that is fine enough.

Hmm...nothing else in mind now.
Therefore,I shall stop here.

Till then.

2008-09-16T09:56:00.003+08:00

My weekends was awesome!
All 3 days since Friday was planned.

Friday,went to town together with Ewan tagging along,to break-fast with the cousins.
It was only 5 of us.
Ok lah tu....dari tak jumpe teros kan!
Then right after dinner,since it was already his payday,we went around town,eyeing for stuffs that caught our eyes.
& like finally,after many-many months,that Puma shoes is mine!
Remember the kind soul,who's giving me $200 for my super belated birthday?
Yeah,I bought that Puma shoes and MAC makeups.
Dier pon apelagi....selit jugak beli baju Puma.Jiwe!
haha!
Aniway,thanks U for the stuffs!
After those little shoppings,we headed to his place.
I've actually pakat with his mum earlier in the afternoon into buying a birthday cake just to surprise him.
While we were strolling in town,he kept asking who keeps calling me and all.
And pandai-pandai lah aku belit kan!
We got home slightly early.
And he,kept whining that he's hungry and insisted going for supper at Al-Ameen.
But both me and his mum,kept delaying,just to wait for the clock to strike 12midnite.
& I ended my Friday almost 4am!

Saturday,it was his 22nd birthday.

Happy Belated 22nd Birthday Little Brat!
Much love okay!

I know it's late,but I was with you when the clock strucked 12 midnite remember?

& as planned,we brought my little brother and sister out for their rounds of shopping spree,provided by him as well.
Dier punyer birthday,dier yang belanje kite!
hehe.
Both little brother and sister got themselves a Puma & Le Coq shoes respectively.
Mine and Ewan's shopping spree didn't stop that Friday,we continued shopping for ourselves on Saturday also!
Best kan!
Then we had Sanur for break-fast and train-ed to Geylang after that.
That's our first virgin visit to Geylang.
&&& ya amponnnn!the crowd....totally unbearable!
Seriously tak sanggop!
Bought a few things for the house & after much of my cannot tahan whining of the hotness,we left Geylang and waited for Dad to pick the four of us up.

Sunday.
Was well spent.
Tables booked for the 16 of us.
Yeah,we had a big feast,sponsored by him as well.
It was only his family,including his aunts and cousins.
Best!
We had fun.
I ended my Sunday almost 3am.

& since yesterday,I've been all sleepy.
not having enough sleep.
I guess today,it's gonna be payback time!

2 more weeks and its Syawal.
We only started painting the house last night.
Still many things need to be done.
But urgghhh!!!...so little time!
Hopefully...things will be fully prepared on the eve itself.

Ahhh...nothing to update already.
Pictures up later,but not much,only pathetic 2 flicks only.

Till then.

2008-09-07T17:11:00.002+08:00

Life can never be this stress-free.
I can never be any happier than how I am now.
Spending my nights till 3 or 4am even during fasting month,
except today,that I came back exactly 6am,
definitely kept me away,far away from all the troubles.
Being alone has always been the best medicine,
except for the fact that friends will linger around you,
to make you happy.
Thanks to them.

Plans coming up.
Will be having a big feast this weekends plus shopping!
Jyeah!
I'm so looking forward to that.
Prior to that,i don't know if I should get that Puma shoe with that $200 given or should I get other shoes?
Nike Airmax(s)?
But that's a little too bulky for me.
Hmm...
Onitsuka Tiger?
I've seen them.Some were pretty!
I'm really being fickled now although I've been eyeing on that Puma for months.
Say....I will only decide there and then itself.
Settled.

Ahhh....it's back to work tomorrow.
Another start of the week.

Till then.

2008-09-01T13:06:00.002+08:00

Yes,above pic was taken last Thursday.
Since last week was the last week kan before puase,apelagi,enjoy lah aku!
I went all out,
sampaikan berpeluh-pelih,
sampaikan tipsy,
sampaikan tak pergi keje besoknye!
Gitulah perangai aku.
Yang penting,aku happy & had fun although the place was super crowded,had few minutes of disturbance (raid).
& so,1 month off from partying!!!

Life have been good.
Thanks to those people around me,
making my everyday at times all lively.
Much appreciated.

It's September.
29 more days before we welcome Syawal.
Many things to be done,but too little time.

Now,I can't wait for my $200 cash from a kind soul for my super,super belated birthday!
&&& I have already got in mind of what to get.
Ahhhh,best!!!

Selamat Berpuase.

Till then.

2008-08-23T12:14:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah...
things have been going on well for me.
I've got that little strength to move on,without having to think of the pains.
Thanks to the conversation we had last 2 nights,that really change the way I am towards him.
Yes,for the fact that I've been avoiding some things.
No matter how painful it is,I have to let go.
Like I've said,
time will heal all wounds...

Since I'm all alone now,
there is definitely some things that I wanna do.
It really tempts me to enrol myself for bike license,and then riding that X1.
macam gian gitu!
Another thing is the car.
Yes,I'm planning to enrol myself for a car license after raya,when everything's settled.
I know I've said all this before,but this time,I really wanna achieve something for myself.

Now,all I wanna do is to enjoy life,continue saving and travel alot.
I'm looking forward to December and Feruary 2009.
I'm not hoping for anything,although things have been planned.
Am just gonna follow the flow and be happy!

Okay,I gotta go.
Gotta do some helpings for the kenduri later.

Till then.

2008-08-14T09:58:00.003+08:00

.STRESSED.

.PRESSURED.

many things had been running in my mind,

mainly more to personal,which involves my future.

I definitely can't say it out here coz none knows of what I have been feeling.

But I've actually confided in Mum,needed her opinions which actually relieved me.

Maybe I need some time,off from everything,maybe even relationship?

Yeahhh,that's just what I thought of.

Nah...I think maybe time itself will tell.

So,I just have to be patience,no matter how painful it is for me.

Till then.

2008-07-29T10:08:00.006+08:00

My weekends was definitely a blast!
I had fun,I enjoyed myself.

Saturday,'mase yang dinanti-nantikan'...
It was the EVP-ians first ever BBQ.
Thanks to the girls for making it happen.
&&& this was the humongous crowd ever!
We definitely had fun among ourselves despite the little downpour.
Girls non-stop cam-whored while the boys had their continuous cups of boozes.
I didn't stay till Sunday as I was having that headache and also afraid that it'll rain anytime soon.
So me & Sweetheart left at 3.15 and head home.

Then Sunday,it was a birthday treat from an uncle since it was her daughter,Syarafana's 7th Birthday.

Venue:Sakura International Buffet @ Downtown East
The spread was superb although I was already full after the 1st round.
Then there was the birthday song for her and also Strawberry Shortcake cupcakes.
In accordance to that,we also sang for Dad as his birthday will be this Saturday.
We spent our time there for 3 freaking hours plus,indulging ourselves with the yummylicious food.
Parted ways and we left for home separately.

Till then.

2008-07-23T12:21:00.003+08:00

Last 2 days,mom was telling me my grandma fell down under her void-deck while on the way home from the market.
And to my surprise,this was the 3rd mishap that happened to her within a month!
First,she fell off a chair at home,
Second,the bathroom sliding door fell on her head,
& now this.

All I could do was to sigh.
Yes,I paid her a visit yesterday,after work.
Surprisingly,when I arrived,she could still walk when both her legs are swollen so bad!
Whatsmore in addition to that,her legs/feets are black.Not blueblack hor.But those black like diabetes symptoms.
Double sigh for me.
It's scary.But she don't even care,not even going to the doctor after the falls.
Yes,she's that stubborn!
Now,we'll just have to observe her legs condition.

On a better note,it's already the mid-week.
Plans coming up for this weekend.
Barbeque-ing with the primary school mates on Saturday,
& birthday celebration on Sunday.

On a better,better note,I'm bored!
haha.
I've not been doing anything for the past days as boss have not been coming in to the office.
So,all I did to kill this boredom,editting of pictures,updating of blog and whatnots.
Cool!?
NO!
Okay,don't know what else for now.

Till then.

2008-07-17T18:46:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday to Brother Apit!

Till then.

2008-06-18T12:42:00.003+08:00

As much as I love my layout and bg,I'm still not satisfied!

Because I put a different picture,but when I viewed,it turned out to be a different one,not the one that I upload.

Now,tell me how am I to solve that?

I tried many times rechanging,it's still the same la!

urrghhh!

Oh!I'm itching to get a new phone.

Since my Nokia 6500 slide have been showing symptoms that it's gonna go berzerk anytime.

I have this in mind for now.

LG Viewty KU990.

I've been too independent on Nokia,thus I decided to try somethin new.

Now,I can't wait for the vouchers.

&&& not forgetting Sweetheart will be changing phone too since he'll be using my other line.

hee.

&&& thay boy is backkk!!!

Till then.

2008-05-02T10:54:00.006+08:00

It was really a last minute plan.

Very,very last minute.

I was on a boring mode as much as I said in my previous post that I'll be staying home.chet!

So,since DBL-O is still a free entry for the ladies on a PH,I decided to popped by.

I had Yaz & Huda with me,while Apit and the rest were already there early.

I had a full blast of fun!

I partied my ass off real hard last nite despite the sweats and the crowd.

Whatsmore,I partied without the boyfriend tagging along.

I had my time.I really did.

It was best!

For once,I didn't feel awkward being left alone while the 2 girlfriends went in and out of the dancefloor as I had many familiar faces around me including Apit.

Still I grooved happy,happy+those little sips of alcoholic drinks!

As much as I want to go alcohol free after many months not drinking,I can't resist lah.

(Orang kater,rezeki jangan ditolak tau.)

Suker skalikk okay!!!

After all ended,we spent sometime sober-ing ourselves before heading back home.

I only had 1 1/2 and I totally dread going to work!

duhhh!!!

Babes,I want more of this again tauuu!

Now,I'm looking forward to my Saturday & Sunday!

Till then.

**Sadly no pictures to go along as I didnt bring my cammy along.

2008-04-22T12:08:00.002+08:00

I received a message via MSN from 2 of them whom I still regard as friends since 2004.

I was told that another friend's mom just passed away early in the morning today.

Reasons is still not known yet.

When I heard that,I had goosebumps.

I know how exactly it feels (although I've not gone through it) to lose somebody,who actually carried us for that nine months and finally brought us up to see the world & whom we love so dearly.

How attached we are with her as we grow older.

How much she sacrificed for us children.

Although we always wished that she would you know,live longer,but we'll never know what will happen in life as we live.

I really hope that friend and his sister would be strong enough to go through the loss of his mom,whatsmore being the eldest and close to her.

&& to that 2 friends,I won't know if you guys would be reading this.

But I really appreciate for you guys telling me of this news.

Thank you so much.

Since I won't be visiting,please send my heartfelt condolences to him.

Till then.

2008-04-12T05:48:00.004+08:00

Big shoutout to 2 April babies whose birthdays falls exactly today.

A dear sister,Nur Shawalia.

A dear friend,Farah.

Happy 14th & 23rd Birthday to them respectively.

Hope you people had a blast on this day!

Till then.

2008-04-10T14:18:00.001+08:00

Anybody up for this Gucci bag?

Super brand new.

Till then.

*[Beau-ti-Fool]*

[Beau-ti-Fool]